Supreme Trick

In a bid to really scare Americans on Halloween, W nominated Antonin Scalia to a second seat on the Supreme Court. Scalia, wearing a mask and calling himself "Samuel Alito", was delighted at having a second vote to condemn the evils of society: homosexuals, liberals, moderates, females, workers, privacy and, of course, abortion.

Former black man, Clarence Thomas, was also thrilled to see Scalia's vote count twice. Along with new Chief Justice Roberts, they now can count four consistent votes against progress in America.

Pope Ratzinger, upon receiving the news during his daily phone call from Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA), was thrilled that America would now have a theocratic court which would follow his prolife agenda of banning gays, abortion and supporting the death penalty and torture. "Now that the Church has lost control of Spain, Ireland and Italy, we need to take over control of America's government to force the world into our belief system."

Having been stung by the defeat of his household pet, Harriet Meirs, Bush decided to clone the man he called "his favorite justice". He determined that as a weak president who has divided the country into warring faction, his best route was to choose a man who would rally his troops and further alienate the vast majority of Americans who do not consider the Bible an integral part of the US Constitution.

Conservatives, even those fundies who condemn Halloween as "devil worshipping", where thrilled at what they viewed as a popcorn ball of a nomination. The only question remaining is whether Democrats, whose poll numbers are depressed by their inability to stand up for themselves, will roll over and let the Theocrats take over the Supreme Court or if they will actually show themselves as a party worth supporting.